


The Weight of Memories

by minerva-one (Follybynight)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Christmas, Drama, F/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Follybynight/pseuds/minerva-one
Summary: Burdened by his past, Kagome decides to give Sesshoumaru a present to heal his broken heart.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome & Sesshoumaru
Kudos: 9





	1. Twirling Stripes

The crowd bustled by, a river of shoppers laden with presents in brightly colored bags. Canned Christmas music played over the speaker system, and Sesshoumaru, former Lord of the Western Lands, sat in a dark corner of a coffee shop stirring his latte with a peppermint stick.

Those that floated in and out of the shop took little notice of the pale creature daydreaming as he stared out of the window. Occasionally he would turn his eyes back to the laptop screen and tap out a few words, but for the most part he sat silent and sipped his drink.

He was a ghost among the living.

Sesshoumaru swirled the stick through his coffee and ran it across his tongue, the peppermint cold and hot at the same time on his lips. _"Rin would have liked these,"_ he thought absently.

With a sigh he focused on the keys, and began to type. This project was turning out the be more difficult than he could have ever imagined. But there was a deadline to keep, after all.

. . .

_What is love to someone like me? I'm still working that out._

_Did I love Rin? Probably. I would protect her as much as I was able to, but all I know is that my life ended when she died, which spoke volumes considering the reputation I had worked to build all those years ago._

_She was my comfort, my constancy in the waxing and waning of the world. I had grown accustomed to her and her ways. There was little I could do to stop her death, thanks to Naraku. I tried it all. Tenseiga, the Shikon Miko, nothing worked._

_As much as I fought against it, Rin had become a free spirit and even I, the Great Sesshoumaru, was powerless to bring her back._

_I believe I lost my sanity that day. In fact, I am quite sure of it._

_It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, as they sometimes say. Everything I had laid my desires on in this world was snatched from my grip - Tessaiga, the Meidou, Rin. All for the sake of a bastard hanyou._

_So I left Japan. I wandered the globe for years trying to forget bright smiles and the smell of flowers. But she was everywhere I went, and even with demon speed I could not escape the reminders of her. Young girls laughter, fresh flowers, sakura blossoms, the smell of spring in the air...it all came back to her._

_Even I had been unaware of how much I had cared for her. And it was the first time in my life I remember feeling fear for myself and what would become of me._

_So I made a strategic decision and decided to retreat to find the fearless demon that died along side of a human child so many years ago._

_I retreated too far, apparently, out of anyone's reach. And I didn't know how to get back. So I went about my business, dealing with the changing world at hand. The demons of my family hid their living spaces behind spells only visible to those like them. I spent some time with them, but very little. I had become accustomed to the world of humans, and elected to stay and continue wandering._

_Along the way I found myself collecting things - an assortment of whatever struck my fancy. But they all reminded me of her in some shape or fashion. Something she would have liked, something in the exact colors she used to wear, something that reminded me of her._

_And I suppose that was the greatest tragedy of my life. Before her, there was a hole in my heart I could not feel. After her, it was all I could feel. Apparently my greatest weakness was my own frail heart._

_I had no idea of how to fix the damage, so I lived with it. Dealt with it. Adapted to it. It became part of me, so much that when anyone came close I retreated again._

_I grew bored easily. I needed constant stimulation to keep my mind off of more painful topics, so I dabbled in various companies, human affairs, trades, collectibles, armories, and so on. I lent my services to armies and fledgling governments, anything that gave me distraction._

_Finally, about 75 years ago, I started to write._

_It was the day I realized I could not remember the sound of Rin's voice. I passed by a park where a young girl was playing when she suddenly laughed out loud. And it was then that I discovered I couldn't remember what her voice sounded like outside of my own head._

_I tried to picture Rin then, and to my horror I discovered that I could not remember specific details like the pattern of her kimono or the differences in her many smiles._

_I had spent several lifetimes trying to forget, and I was apparently successful._

_That night I went home and began to write it all down - everything I could remember. Everything. It began to consume my waking hours; I found myself jotting down details every time they came across my mind. In bed. In the shower. While walking. I started keeping a notebook in my pocket._

_Soon, I began to write down memories of people other than Rin. Father. Mother. Inuyasha. The Shikon Miko. Naraku. I wrote it all down, and discovered there was enough work to keep my mind occupied for a very long time._

_One night when the memories would not come to mind, I happened across an editor in a bar. He noticed my tablet and asked to see what I had written. I let him. It made no difference anymore. They were tales of those long dead in their graves, written by the one time forgot._

_The editor asked me to send him something, so I mailed off a small tale of how my idiot brother managed to get himself sealed to a tree for 50 years. I received a call the next day telling me it was the best piece of comedic fiction he had laid his eyes on. So, that is how I happened into this life. I furnish them with tales now and then of things I feel are fit to share. There is nothing of personal importance._

_Until now._

_I can't say why I decided to write of Rin. Perhaps it is time her story comes out, so that she is remembered by more than just me. It is time to share her story._

. . .

Far across town in a similar coffee shop on a similar corner, Kagome, the once and current Shikon Miko sits and wipes whipped cream from her lip before stirring her drink with the peppermint stick once more.

Canned Christmas music plays over the speaker system; a stack of textbooks sit at her side, but her eyes are focused absently on the twinkling lights shining through the window. Those that floated in and out of the coffee shop paid little attention to the dark haired girl decidely ignoring her homework.

With a sigh her eyes turn to the stack of books, and out her literature assignment. Her fingers slide across smooth paper as she finds her page, and begins to read.

It was the story of Inuyasha on the tree.

Time slowed and the noise fell to a mute as she turned the pages with anticipation. There was no way this could be fiction; it had to have been written by someone who had been there. Too many details were accurate - too many details that would have never survived in myth and legend.

She glanced at the front page for the author's name. Taisho Hishashi. Her eyes blinked as she read the name over and over again, looking for some sense of recognition. But none came.

Someone had survived all of this time to write this story. Was it Inuyasha? Was he here in this time? The well was still open to her, why would he have not come to see her? It was surely someone she knew, and Kagome decided to find out who.

Another glance at the front page gave her the publishing house, where she could begin to find her answers.


	2. Merry and Bright

Kagome sat in the reception area; her foot tapping out a nervous staccato. The walls were beige and decorated with generic artwork of landscapes and flowers. Canned music played over the speaker system and the receptionist looked positively miserable in her holiday cheer and blinking sweater.

Setting the phone back in the cradle, she called Kagome over. "I'm sorry miss, Mr. Sato is unable to meet with you today. The earliest he can see you is after the holidays are over," she said.

Kagome sighed. "I only have one question, is there anyway to have just 5 minutes?" she asked. The elevator dinged and the doors opened to several workers in red shirts bringing in boxes of Christmas decorations. One stepped up next to Kagome and set his box down in front of the desk. "We're with the party coordinators, and we're here to set up for your company Christmas gathering tomorrow night," he said, pulling a clipboard out of his hand and fishing a pen out of his front pocket.

The receptionist turned her attention to the stacks of boxes being unloaded from the elevator, and Kagome backed up against the wall to get away from the growing pile. Coming out from behind the desk, the portly receptionist fumbled with opening the first box only to let out a disgruntled sigh. "We ordered red decorations, not silver," she said.

As she waited for the mess to be straightened out, Kagome was hit with sudden inspiration. Taking note of the uniform of the party company, she quietly stole out of the office and headed to the mall.

. . .

With her new red shirt and black pants, Kagome blended into the throng of caterers and coordinators with little notice. Her insides began to tingle, wondering if Taisho Hishashi would make an appearance tonight - and if he would be someone she happened to know.

She pushed her way through the crowded kitchen full of steam and shouts and sounds of pans clanking and food sizzling. To her left she spotted a tray of drinks ready to be served, so she grabbed it and made her way out of the kitchen doors.

Classic Christmas tunes floated over the noise of the crowd as masses of people milled around with drinks in their hands. Her stomach tingled again. Not with nervous anticipation this time, but at the jyaki she sensed; it was subdued yet powerful.

Her eyes scanned the dimly lit room, searching for anyone she knew. Someone ancient. Someone familiar.

Someone reached across her to grab the last full drink of her tray, causing it to off balance in her hands and go tumbling to the floor.

Before it could hit, a pale and graceful hand caught the edge - managing to prevent a very loud and very embarrassing scene. Kagome raised her eyes up the length of the hand - a hand so very familiar, a hand that had once dealt her death, yet also saved her life. Shoulder length silver hair flowed over a black jacket. She held her breath.

Kagome tilted her face up to see the one person she never expected to see again. Sesshoumaru. His eyes widened in surprise momentarily before settling into his normal stoic mask. Both stood there staring at each other in silence, broken by stanzas of Bing Crosby. _'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...'_

She finally found her voice to speak. "Sesshoumaru?"

He nodded once in acknowledgment. "Kagome."

"You look exactly the same," she said, taking the tray back from his extended hand.

"So do you," he said. _'Just like the ones I used to know...'_

Awkward silence lay between them. She was opening her mouth to ask him what he was doing here when a large and burly man with meaty hands came up behind him and clapped Sesshoumaru on the shoulder. "Taisho Hishashi! By the Gods, I never expected you to show up to this thing," he said.

Sesshoumaru kept Kagome's gaze as he answered. "Something in the air told me I should show up tonight," he said. _'Where treetops glisten, and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow...'_

The large man began to rattle on about books and profits and awards as she continued to stare into familiar golden eyes, softer in the dim glow of holiday cheer. He shouldn't be here like this - not dressed in white with a sadness in his eyes - a shell of who he once had been. _'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...'_

"You're Taisho Hishashi?" she mouthed silently, clutching the edge of the tray into her ribs. He closed his eyes and gave an imperceptible nod. _'With every Christmas card I write...'_

Kagome's eyes flicked over to the annoying drone emanating from the man beside Sesshoumaru before finding his eyes again. "Can we talk alone?" she mouthed again. _'May your days be merry and bright...'_

Without a word he turned abruptly, disappearing into the crowd of people. She stood frozen, watching the silver hair blend into the shadows. A loud burst of laughter brought her attention back to the party. "Ha! That old dog is still the same," the man said. "Never one to stand on politeness." With a puff of his strong cigar the man turned and left, leaving Kagome alone in the middle of the party.

_'And may all your Christmases be white...'_

. . .

Later Kagome sat at the window of her small apartment and looked out at the first few snowflakes beginning to settle on the ground.

Tucking her slipper clad feet under her, she took a sip of her hot chocolate before pulling out a volume of collected works by Taisho Hishashi. She began to read.

Homework would wait. Preparations to go back to the Feudal era could wait.

This could not.

Visions of the sadness beneath his eyes ran through his mind, and she had to know what had happened to him.


	3. Flakes Flutter

She awoke with a start at the danger tingling down her spine. The book was still open, her hot chocolate cold beside it on the desk. A wintry silence had settled over the house.

Youkai in the air buzzed through her nerves and against her ears. Pulling back the soft lace curtain, Kagome was greeted with a snow-covered ground and a dark figure standing in her back yard. She yelped in surprise, jumping back and knocking her drink over the desk. Cold chocolate spread against the grain and across the open pages of the book before dripping down to the floor.

Grabbing a towel she quickly mopped it up and then carefully snuck a peek through the curtains once again. The figure was still there, unmoving against the soft glow of the neighboring street lamp.

Pulling on old boots and a well-worn coat, she unlatched the back door with as much stealth as possible. There was little she could do about the loud crunching beneath her feet, however.

Yet the figure did not move.

A passing car lit up the yard, revealing silver hair. She let out a sigh of relief. "Sesshoumaru, you scared me," she said.

He said nothing but cast a sidelong glance in her direction before looking back up at the starless sky. Kagome crossed her arms around her chest for warmth, her eyes blinking as her mind tried to make sense of the surreal nature of the moment. Large flakes of snow drifted down slowly and settled in his hair before melting. The light shone against the wetness like diamonds.

After several minutes of Kagome shifting her weight from foot to foot, he spoke. "Are you the only one able to pass through the well?" he said.

She stopped shifting her weight and forgot about the cold, unable to take her eyes from him. "No, Inuyasha can pass through," she said. "But no one else has been able to."

Silence settled between them again, and he made no effort to move from his spot. "I would like to try," Sesshoumaru said softly, turning his golden eyes to meet hers. Instead of the cold determination she was so familiar with she was met with a glimmer of regret...and hope.

Kagome had no response. This wasn't how he was supposed to be. Sesshoumaru was always fearless, always determined, always confident, always unafraid to fight. This wasn't the way she remembered him. It was all she could do to nod her head in return.

. . .

Within minutes they were standing at the edge of the well, its yawning blackness like a rip in the night. The sound of dripping water came from its depths, yet the magic hummed through the ledge. Feeling it brush against his youkai and then retreat, he already knew it would not let him pass through.

But he jumped anyway.

Landing softly on damp ground Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and exhaled. Kagome called down. "I'm sorry," she said. He looked back up at her form peering over the ledge and hated her pity.

With a flash he shot out of the darkness and into the night, coming to a halt in front of the Tree of Ages. Flakes of snow swirled around him as the power dissipated. He should have known better than to try, for he was even more the fool. Kagome already knew too much for his liking and now he would have to disappear again - find a new name and a new home and a new distraction from living. He really just wanted to curl up and sleep forever. Perhaps he could just kill her and save himself the hassle.

The air fogged with his heavy sigh. He didn't want to kill her.

Her boots crunched against the snow towards him, coming to a halt behind him. "You miss her," she said.

It was a statement that needed no response. So he gave none.

Kagome looked up at the falling snow illuminated against the black sky. "Everyone who knows about the well thinks it is such a gift to be able to travel through time. But it has never been a gift to me," she said quietly.

"Each time I go through it is always a choice. Do I leave my family behind, or do I leave my friends behind?" she said. "It's like living a half life in two worlds. And the worst part is that one day I will have to make a choice between the them." Kagome paused for a moment, looking down at the snow piled around her shoes. "Someone will get left behind no matter what I do," she said, pushing the snow around with the toe of her boot.

"But I keep going on. Because I have to make the most of the time I have with each of them. Momma has to know how much I love her each time; my friends have to know how much I care for them. Just in case it happens to be the last time."

She looked up at the demon before her, his back still to her. "I can't pretend to understand how frustrating it is to have it so close, yet be unable to travel back," she said. "If there is something I can do for you, or if there is something I can take back I would be more than happy to help."

Sesshoumaru looked over his shoulder and met her gaze. "Perhaps," he said.

A gust of cold wind blew through the thin pajamas and Kagome shuddered. "If you will take me back to my place, I'll make you some hot chocolate," she said, giving him her best smile and doe eyes as her teeth chattered in her head.

He nodded once, wrapping his arms around her tiny form and flashed into the night.


	4. Hot Chocolate

Kagome wrapped her favorite pink blanket around her shoulders as she waited for her water to boil. Her fingers were still numb from their expedition to the well, and she blew into her hands to warm them up.

She could hear Sesshoumaru in her living room quietly taking stock of her few meager belongings; the floorboards creaking under his weight in the silence of the night. The stove clicked with the rising heat of the burner and Kagome wondered what she would say.

. . .

Sesshoumaru stood in the small living room glancing over the collection of textbooks and knickknacks on Kagome's shelves. His eyes drifted over to her desk, seeing a copy of his own works laying on the desk, the papers wrinkled from a spilled drink across their pages.

He closed his eyes and wished he had never put pen to paper. There would be no chance of discovery, even by those who were supposed to be long dead in their graves. But he had. And he knew she was in the kitchen thinking of how to phrase the questions in her eyes.

The kettle whistled and the sound of her rustling through the cupboards broke the silence of the night. Wandering into the kitchen and pulling out a small and worn chair, he sat down at her table, covered with tan laminate cracking and chipping around the edges. Christmas place mats lay neat and a small strand of garland lay in the center of the table.

Kagome set a large mug covered with polka dots in front of him, the soft smell of chocolate filling his nose. She wrestled her blanket while sliding out her own chair, finally setting down and wrapping its warmth over her legs. The mug was warm and felt wonderful against her fingers curled around the pink butterflies glazed into the surface.

"Is your hot chocolate okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "It's fine," he said.

Minutes ticked by as Kagome blew the steam away from her drink and Sesshoumaru fiddled with the handle on his mug. The wind was beginning to pick up force, causing the house to creak against the dull howl of winter.

"I never pictured you as a writer," she said quietly.

"Neither did I," he replied, casting his eyes to the pattern of foam on the chocolate.

She blew on her drink again and took another sip. "I guess I always imagined you would be a high-powered CEO or something," she said. "You know, killing them in the board room instead of on the battlefield."

A rare smile graced his lips. "I did that years ago," he said. "But not being able to kill the idiots was entirely too frustrating."

Kagome blinked her eyes at his comment, trying to decide if Sesshoumaru had, in fact, just made a joke. She looked up and caught the tail end of his smile and then began to laugh. A quiet giggle at first, yet when he met her gaze she couldn't hold it in any longer - picturing Sesshoumaru trying to throttle some hapless intern in a fancy boardroom. "I...hahahah...I'm...hahahahah...I'm sorry," she choked out between her laughter. "I'm not...hahahah...not laughing at you," she said. "I just...hahahahaha...I just pictured you in the board room...hahahaha...pulling out Bakusaiga...hahahahaha...I'm sorry."

Sesshoumaru ignored her laughter and took a sip of his drink. "What a foolish notion," he said.

Kagome abruptly stopped her giggling and began to wonder if this was a bad idea - and just how far she would get before he caught her. He glanced up at the fear on her face and elaborated. "One would never pull out a sword in a board room; there is no room to swing it," he said with finality. "Sword play should be reserved for the lobby."

She stared at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Was that...was that the second joke he cracked in under a minute? A self-satisfied smirk graced his features, and the laughter she held in burst out at once.

Her laughter cleared the tension hanging between them and Kagome breathed deep, relaxing the muscles in her stomach that had been tight since she discovered him in her back yard.

"So how did you go from ruthless warrior to writer?" she asked.

He paused for a moment, wondering himself how it had happened. "It was not planned. I wrote things down so I would not forget the past," he said. "Details, smells, sounds, pieces I didn't want to lose to time. And one night I happened to be in some bar writing something down when an editor asked to see what I had written; so 30 years later, here we are," he said.

Kagome pondered this for a moment, taking a large sip of her hot chocolate now that it had cooled enough to not burn her tongue. "Just like that?" she asked.

"Just like that," he said.

"I never thought you would allow anything so personal out in public. You always seemed so stoic."

He ran a clawed hand through his bangs and down to the ends of his hair. "Frankly, everyone who would know me or what I had written was supposed to be dead. It seems I failed to take into account certain time-traveling mikos," he said, giving her a pointed look.

She laughed and looked down at her mug again, hearing the wind rattle against the windows. The snowstorm was starting to pick up outside. "Would you have done it if you knew I would read them?"

His golden eyes met hers before closing briefly. "No," he said. "I would not have."

"Oh," she said. "Well, if it makes a difference, I think your work is beautiful. It's reassuring to know that even powerful demons have a heart too."

Sesshoumaru rotated his mug on the table; his eyes staring absently to the butterflies on Kagome's hot chocolate. "Everyone has their secrets," he said.

"I guess so," she said, pausing to pull the blanket tight around her shoulders again. "Are you working on a new project?"

Fuzzy images of Rin's face flashed in his mind, and he looked down at the chipped table top and shook his head. "It seems I may not be able to remember enough to do her justice."

A particularly strong gust of wind seemed to shake the very foundations of her small home; the violence outside belied the quiet calm in the heart of the house. Sesshoumaru glanced up at the snow gathering along the windowpanes and decided it was time to take his leave before he ended up spilling even more to this girl who was still little more than a stranger to him.

Scooting his chair against the floor he stood up and headed for the doorway before pausing to back to Kagome. "I ... appreciate your assistance tonight," he said.

She smiled at him, a smile so large and bright - just like Rin had once smiled for him. A smile that lit up the room, and chased the darkness away from his once black heart. So wrapped up in her smile, Sesshoumaru nearly didn't hear what she was saying.

"I still stand by my offer," she said. "I am more than willing to take something to the past if you want."

He nodded once before opening to the door to the bitter and howling wind, stepping out into the darkness. The door shut, and Kagome pulled her blanket tighter against the silence of the house.


	5. Jingle All The Way

He ran for hours in the biting wind and fierce cold; ice coated his fur and his breath fogged out before him as massive paw tacks trailed him in the deep snow.

The full extent of his power coursed through his veins, sending his heart racing. Blizzards were the best time to run without the risk of discovery, for few could find white fur hidden behind a storm of white snow.

The ice in the depths of his soul was shifting and cracking of its own accord, unknowingly set in motion by another human female - dark-haired human girls seemed to be the moon while his heart responded like the tide - pulling and tugging without knowledge of the massive shifts they caused, forever sitting calm and serene in their sky.

His paws shifted at the rise in terrain and Sesshoumaru headed to the top of the mountain. Jumping from crag to crag with large leaps the power coiled in his massive legs and his feet connected with the only constant in his life - the solid ground beneath his paws.

The path narrowed yet the storm raged on, the winds biting against his ears in the altitude. Soon he had reached the peak - and for the first time in centuries he felt like the demon he once was. A howl erupted from the bottom of his gut, only to be drowned out by the howling of the wind.

Sesshoumaru had once become the most powerful being to walk the earth - only to find the world had changed around him - and he had already become a relic of the past. Change never came easy for a youkai. There are those among his species who would say that youkai knew not how to love. Yet the simple truth was that youkai knew not how to change.

Year after year his kind had died out, unable and unwilling to adapt to their new world full of humans and guns and cities of metal until only the strongest of them survived. Now they were a mere handful in number.

Few youkai embraced change willingly. Perhaps that is why his father's betrayal had been so difficult to fathom. Not that he had a bastard child, but the fact that he voluntarily let go of all that a respected youkai held dear - power, status, ranking. The Great Inu No Taisho had done an about face and cast it all to the side for love.

And now the son walked in the footsteps of the father - his change less abrupt but no less shattering - only there were no youkai to witness, just a never ending sea of human faces that were all the same.

Until now.

When his throat was ragged from howling, he bounded back down the mountain. It was time he made amends with his past.

. . .

A large yellow backpack lay on the kitchen table surrounded by piles of food and gifts for those on the other side of the well. Kagome packed extra gloves and scarves for the villagers who would be in need, if the snow here was any indication of the winter there.

Bit by bit her presents filled the well-loved bag, with edges frayed and stains that refused to come out - this deceptively simple sack expanding to hold so many presents and love.

Kagome hummed a Christmas tune as she strategically placed each item in the bag, always managing to find room for one more gift. With the bag groaned under the strain of her haul she pulled the cords of the opening tight. The edge of her red Santa Claus hat complete with a jingling bell on the end caught her eye as she was leaving the kitchen, so she paused and pulled it down over her dark hair.

When her preparations were complete, she bundled up in her warmest coat, the thickest mittens her mother could knit, and double layers of her warmest socks. Heaving the sack over her shoulders, she began to make the trek to the well as she had so many times before as the bell on her hat jingled along the way.

. . .

He was waiting for her - white hair shining in the bright winter glare, his face slightly red from the icy wind that blew lazily across the fresh snow. As soon as he spotted her struggling with the bag, Sesshoumaru was by her side in a flash - the sudden gust of wind sending her Santa hat into the snow.

"Oh! You scared me," she said, her mittened hand flying to her exposed head. With one quick motion the weight lifted from her shoulders and the hat was securely deposited back on her head - although the silver bell dangled in front of her face and the white trim was pulled nearly over her eyes.

Kagome laughed and gave him a large smile. "Thank you, Sesshoumaru," she said as she adjusted her hat. The clear jingle seemed to echo off of the snow, and they headed to the well.

Pushing against the door to the well house, the hinges creaked in protest of the cold; when they reached the bottom of the stairs, Sesshoumaru held out the large yellow bag so she could slide it over her shoulders.

Kagome turned to find his golden eyes, sensing his hesitation. Some things were still the same for him, no matter the length of time. He held her gaze for a moment. "I have something for you to take back," he said.

"Sure, I would be glad to."

Sesshoumaru handed her a simple bag filled with several neatly wrapped gifts. For a moment, he seemed to struggle to find the words, but none came.

She just smiled and put her hand against his arm. "It's all right, I know who they are for," she said. "Now, will you help me up on the ledge?"

The bright blue light enveloped the tiny room, and Kagome, the once and current Shikon Miko, jumped into the Feudal Era with the sound of jingling bells disappearing into the distance.


	6. A Sprinkling of Stars

Solid ground appeared under her feet as the swirling blue magic settled back into the grain of the wood. With her back already beginning to strain with the weight of her bag, she called for help getting out of the well.

"Inuyasha? Are you up there?"

There was no response, so with a resigned sigh she grabbed onto the trailing roots and began to haul herself out of the darkness. When she reached the top, Kagome slung the bag to the ground, collapsing beside it into the fresh snow. Her eyes closed and she panted to catch her breath before the second leg of her journey.

A pulse of untamed youkai rippled through the air. Kagome's eyes flew open at the danger, and she began to look around for the source while mentally kicking herself that she had forgotten her bow and arrow at Kaede's hut.

It grew closer and she scrambled to her feet, ready to grab her sack and make a run for it. She caught a movement of shadow at the edge of the forest. It was Sesshoumaru. The old Sesshoumaru.

This was the vision she could never get out of her head - white silk and fur rippling against the wind - untamed and dangerous. Sesshoumaru stopped at the edge of the clearing, their eyes meeting across the distance for a moment.

Golden eyes studied her with intent, before flicking down to the bag of presents she held in her hand. A bolt of panic ran down her spine. 'Did he catch his own scent on the bag?' she wondered. Sesshoumaru met her gaze once again, and then turned and disappeared into the forest.

The tension ran out of her body with one long exhale.

. . .

Hours later, Kagome's small family in the feudal era snuggled under warm blankets with full bellies, presents from the future scattered around them. Christmas was a few days off still, but the anticipation had gotten the best of her companions.

All were deep in a calm sleep. Miroku and Sango curled against each other; Shippo was sacked out against one of Inuyasha's legs while Rin curled against the other, strands of black hair falling across her innocent face as she curled up with Kagome's blanket.

In the perfect silence of the night and surrounded by all she held dear, Kagome could not help but think of Sesshoumaru alone for so many centuries with nothing to keep him company but his memories.

There were two last presents to give, so Kagome pulled out the video camera she received from her mother on her birthday and began to film Rin's sleeping face.

. . .

Later as the moon rose high, Kagome sat on the edge of the well staring up at the indigo sky sprinkled with silver stars. He was near, yet hidden, watching her from the shadows.

She smiled to herself, pulling a small wrapped package from the inside of her coat and setting it on the lip of the well. Making her way back down to the hut, she turned to the dark forest. "Merry Christmas, Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru's eyes fell to the present and his curiosity took over. It smelled of the miko, but also of strange lands and materials. Running a clawed finger through the tape and blue metallic paper, he opened the wooden box and found an ebony fountain pen. A silver crescent graced the top, while the gold tip was carved with fanciful designs, tapering to a sharp point.

He glanced back to the path the miko had used, and quietly tucked the present behind the plate of his armor.

. . .

The next morning Kagome and Rin made their way to the clearing where she could give the girl her presents from Sesshoumaru without arising suspicions from the rest of the group.

The videotape rolled as the bright paper was torn away from the boxes and her happy laughter rang through the crisp air. The first gift was a heavy and warm winter kimono of pink, covered in butterflies and flowers. Rin's eyes lit up as she pulled it from the box.

"Are you sure this is for me, Kagome-chan?" she asked.

Kagome smiled at her. "It sure is."

Dark brown eyes looked up at her in wonder. "But who would get this for me?"

Taking the kimono from Rin's hands, she turned the girl around and began to help her pull it over her arms. "It's from someone who loves you very much," she replied. "If Sesshoumaru-sama were to ask where you got the presents, just tell him that my mother decided to give away all of the clothes from when I was a little girl."

The color of the kimono brought out the pink in her small face, bright and happy. "You have some more gifts to open!" Kagome said as she pulled another gift from the bag.

Thick mittens followed the kimono, along with sturdy fur lined boots. A matching hat with ear flaps was next, along with assorted candies and chocolates and peppermint sticks.

Rin's final gift was a bracelet with a small charm of a white dog. "It looks like Sesshoumaru-sama!" she exclaimed.

"It certainly does," she replied. "Rin-chan, would you like to help me make a present for Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Rin squealed and clapped her hands in excitement. "Yes! Rin wants to help!"

. . .

Unbeknown to the pair of giggling girls, two sets of golden eyes watched them from opposite sides of the forest.

A small twinge of guilt ran through Sesshoumaru. He should have thought to get her warmer clothes before now. Perhaps it was a good thing he had not succeeded in killing the miko after all. She did have her uses, and maybe this was a subtle way of letting him know humans were more susceptible to the cold than he had previously imagined.

Yet there was something familiar yet foreign about the scent that clung to her clothes. The miko had always smelled peculiar. But there was a new scent he could not place his finger on just yet.

Across the clearing, Inuyasha clenched his fists tight enough to draw blood. The smells of the future were familiar to his nose, but there was one he would know anywhere. Kagome smelled of Sesshoumaru.


	7. To Give; To Receive

"What do you mean you're leaving? You just got here yesterday," Inuyasha said as Kagome threw a few things back into her bag and began to search the hut for her coat and mittens.

"I already told you, I forgot to get one last present back home. Don't worry, I will be back tomorrow," she said, her eyes lighting in triumph as she found her belongings buried under several blankets.

Crossing his arms and shoving his fists into the thick wool of the firerat fur, he bit his bottom lip and looked out the window at the children playing in the distance. She was going back to see _him_.

Fishing the woolen mittens out of her coat pockets, she pulled them on and then grabbed her much lighter backpack. "Okay, I'm taking off," she said.

The hanyou huffed and walked out of the hut. "Whatever. Have a nice time," he said before taking off into the forest, trailing red and silver in his wake.

Kagome sighed. Why did he have to be like this? Always so jealous of the time she spent with her family instead of staying in the past where she did not belong.

With one last glance to the forest, she began to make her way to the well.

. . .

Inuyasha watched from the forest as the blue light of magic enveloped Kagome. He bided his time and waited, and when he was sure enough time had passed, he leapt into the magic himself.

Soon the ground settled beneath his calloused and bare feet, and the smells of the modern world wafted across his nose. But there was only one scent he was interested in finding today.

The trail was easier to find than he would have believed. It started at the lip of the well, and was strongest at the bottom of the stairs; stale, yet strong as if his brother had waited in that spot for quite a while, peering over into the darkness.

Following the scent from the shrine grounds, Inuyasha wove through little used side streets and alleyways until the buildings and houses grew sparse and the forest began to reclaim its rightful place on the earth.

The smell of his brother was strongest here - and it was fresh. The first faint tingles of jyaki ran across his flesh, and he knew Sesshoumaru was close by.

When he was deep within the protection of the trees, the jyaki unfurled and Sesshoumaru emerged from the darkness.

Inuyasha blinked his eyes, taking in the shoulder length hair and modern clothes. The markings and fur had been pushed behind a masking spell. Without the heavy armor and swords and fur and billowing pants to emphasize his stature, the Sesshoumaru of the future looked downright small. And certainly not as frightening as he used to.

They stood in silence, each taking in the sight of the other as twin silver manes tossed in the cold wind.

Sesshoumaru broke the silence. "Inuyasha. It has been a long time," he said.

The hanyou shook his head, clearing the surreal fog from his mind. "What the hell happened to you?" he said.

His brother gave a sharp exhale and met his gaze. "Time happened, little brother."

The wind picked up again, sending long hair flying against their faces. Inuyasha hesitated for a few moments. "I...I scented you on Kagome when she came back through the well," he said.

"I know."

"How long have you known she was in the future?" he asked.

Sesshoumaru made his way over to a fallen log and dusted the snow off before sitting down. "Kagome found me," he said. "Just a few days ago, in fact. She offered to deliver some things to the past for me."

None of the hateful anger Inuyasha knew so well was there. None of the tension, none of the fear of imminent death to taint their time together. This was the first civil conversation they had shared. Deciding to take advantage of the time while he had it, Inuyasha found a flat stump and sat across from his brother.

And there in the quiet stillness of the forest, the silver of the future began to make amends with the silver of the past, each tempered and hardened with the passage of time.

The minutes ticked by as the brothers sat, and finally Inuyasha decided it was time to bring up what he needed an answer to.

"I don't survive it, do I?" he said quietly.

Sesshoumaru looked up at him briefly before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "No, you don't."

Inuyasha bowed his head and furrowed his brows, biting into his bottom lip. "I would have come for her by now if I had."

"Indeed."

Somewhere in the distance the sound of branches cracking under the weight of the snow broke the peace. "I know you don't owe me anything Sesshoumaru, but I have a favor to ask anyway. Kagome belongs in the future, and it would make it easier if I knew you would look in on her once and a while," he said, still unable to look up at his brother.

Sesshoumaru stood up from his makeshift seat, brushing the snow from his pants and running long and slender fingers through his hair. Moments passed, and then he began to speak as if from a dream. "Our family was powerful," he said. "Father, grandfather, you, and me." He paused and turned to examine the tree next to him. "We were kings then, prowling the land as we wished, and rising on the backs of lesser youkai," he mused, picking at a piece of bark.

The hanyou stared up at his elder brother, surprise on his face with the words that now lay between them. There was no spite in his voice, no veiled barbs about his heritage, only the truth.

"For what ever it might be worth," he continued, "you lived up to the weight of our great heritage. I will honor your request."

. . .

Later that evening, Kagome and Sesshoumaru walked slowly under the twinkling rows of white Christmas lights strung across the bare tree branches. Couples holding hands and snuggling against each other for warmth filled the park - young lovers basking in the soft magic of holiday cheer.

The sound of ice skates sounded from the nearby pond, and a small group of carolers were giving an impromptu concert of the classic favorites from the small rise in the center of the park.

"I'm glad you called me," she said. "This is nice."

Sesshoumaru kept his steps slow, prolonging their time together. For the first time in centuries, he actually found himself ... content.

"I am glad you are enjoying it," he said. "But there is another reason I called you tonight." He spotted an empty bench set a short distance away from the main pathway, and cast his eyes towards it. "Let's sit down, shall we?"

As Sesshoumaru sat down, he pulled a small wrapped present from the inside pocket of his black coat, and handed it to Kagome.

"Is this for me?" she said, running her fingers along the purple dyed rice paper wrapping.

Kagome smiled bright and began to carefully unwrap the paper covering. When she opened the box, she let out a gasp at the silver crescent moon with matching chain nestled in black velvet. "It's so beautiful, Sesshoumaru," she said. "But it's too much, you shouldn't have."

Golden eyes met blue. "Consider it as a token of thanks for reminding me of who I once was, and giving me the opportunity ... with Rin."

Their gaze held, and she had no words. His cool, slender fingers brushed across hers as he reached out for the necklace to place it around her neck. "Hold your hair up," he murmured. Kagome blinked rapidly for a moment, and then gathered her dark hair on top of her head. The wind was cold on her skin, but as Sesshoumaru leaned close, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck.

Goose bumps rose on her skin. The cold of the silver settled against her throat, and Kagome dropped her hair and turned back to him, meeting his eyes. "Thank you," she said. "I have one more gift for you back at my house. Will you walk me there?"

. . .

"This is for you," she said. "But you have to promise me you won't open it until you get back to your place," she said as she handed him a large Christmas bag that had been taped shut against prying eyes.

He chuckled lightly and took the bag from her hands, their skin brushing against the other once more. "I promise."

As Sesshoumaru disappeared into the night, Kagome stood at the window, running her fingers against the crescent at her neck.


	8. Wreathed in Smiles

Walking into his dark and quiet house, Sesshoumaru flipped on the lamp and deposited Kagome's bag on the sofa. He shrugged out of the black overcoat and dug an empty hanger out of the closet before closing it with a small click.

Pushing long silver bangs from his face, he made his way to the liquor cabinet, pulling down the folding front. Ice clinked in the glass as he filled it with scotch, clear and amber.

Sesshoumaru kicked off his shoes and headed over to the sofa where he settled in and reached over to grab Kagome's gift. His clawed finger made quick work of the tape. Inside of the bag was a blanket wrapped in a large zip top bag, with a DVD case placed inside. He raised his eyebrow in question and pulled out the bag.

It was then that he noticed the label on the box - 'Rin.'

 _"Is this . . . Did she . . . tape her?"_ he thought, his heart beginning to race in his chest, his breath catching in his throat. Sesshoumaru stared at the bag for a few moments, muscles tense. With a slightly shaking hand, he pulled the plastic top apart, and was washed with the scent of Rin. His Rin.

Time slowed to a halt as he pulled the blanket out and pressed it to his nose; his memory opened like a floodgate, full of sounds and smells and long lost happiness.

The DVD fell against his leg, and he looked down at the plain black case, the white label with one word. 'Rin.'

Sesshoumaru flipped on the television and placed the disc inside. He stood in front of the television, the case forgotten in his hand. And with a flicker her sleeping face filled the screen, wrapped tight in the blanket he now held in his own hands.

The case dropped from his hand, and then he dropped to his knees in front of the screen, unable to tear his eyes away.

The tape cut away to a new scene of a bright winter day. "All right, Rin-chan! It's time to start making a present for Sesshoumaru-sama," he heard Kagome's voice in the background, calling out to her.

Rin bounded into the frame, dressed in the new winter clothing he had sent back with Kagome, her dark hair buried under the thick hat and her tiny fingers hidden beneath her mittens. "OK!" she said, clapping her hands in excitement and looking up at the miko as her face flushed in the cold winter air.

Rin noticed the camera Kagome was setting up on the edge of the well and her curiosity piqued. "What is this thing, Kagome-chan?" Rin had come up close to the camera - her face filling up the entire screen. He could see every detail of her eyes, the happiness in them that he was always so fond of – it was all right there again.

Memories hit him hard as Rin played in front of the camera; those once fuzzy memories became concrete again at hearing the timbre of her voice, her breathing, the sounds of the village in the background.

"I'm putting a picture of you on this camera so he can watch it later," Kagome said.

Rin's face lit up with recognition. "Oh, you mean like the drawing you brought of your mother?" she said.

Kagome nodded, coming into the frame beside Rin. "That's right! Now, can you sing a song for Sesshoumaru-sama? Can you do that for him, Rin-chan?"

The girl squealed and began to clap her hands again. "Oh yes!" she replied, "It is my favorite thing to do for Sesshoumaru-sama!" she said excitedly, running off a short distance from the camera. With a dramatic flair, Rin held out her arms wide and began to run around in circles, "Jaken-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama, where are you? I am wait-ing for you" she sang loudly and in her best voice.

"That is wonderful, Rin-chan! Keep going" Kagome said in the tape.

Sesshoumaru sat transfixed on the scene. He had heard that song so many times yet forgotten the excitement in her voice when she sang it for him. His vision blurred with unshed tears.

Rin danced and sang for hours, before the two girls decided to drop down in the freshly fallen snow and make snow angels. "Move your arms and legs like this," Kagome said to Rin, kicking her legs out wide and swinging her arms above her head.

"Kagome! Look, we made angels," Rin said with a rush, pointing to their impressions left in the white snow.

Suddenly his past self emerged from the forest, and he had not thought it possible for Rin to look any more happy than she already was. But her face beamed just for him. She had always been full of smiles.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, Kagome-chan and I made snow angels!"

His past self looked with indifference at the silliness of the girls. "Indeed," he said. "Rin, let's go."

"OK! Coming, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin called out brightly. The girl turned to Kagome and flew into her arms, giving her a hug. "Kagome-chan, thank you for letting me help with the present. Will you give it to him later?" she asked.

The miko smiled and brushed the snow from Rin's new kimono. "Yes, Rin-chan, but much later. Remember it's our secret, all right? Now you'd better hurry. Be safe on your trip!"

Rin smiled and raced after his departing figure, turning to call out once again. "Goodbye, Kagome-chan!"

Kagome waved after the girl. "Bye, Rin-chan!"

The tape continued to play for a few minutes as he heard Rin's singing slowly faded away into the distance with the miko staring after them. When he could no longer hear her, Kagome turned and sat down in front of the lens. "I hope you liked it, Sesshoumaru. It is the only thing I could think that you might want. Merry Christmas."

Kagome smiled into the camera, and then reached up and turned off the tape. The television went blank, and Sesshoumaru found himself sitting on his living room floor in complete silence. He looked down at the soft blanket held it gingerly in his hands.

And then he howled - long and loud.

For Rin.

He howled for his precious Rin.

. . .

Back in the Feudal Era, Kagome was wrapped in her warm winter clothing and leaning against Kaede's fence while she stared up at the night stars.

Absently, her finger ran along the silver crescent.

Inuyasha's footsteps crunched in the snow as he came up to lean on the fence next to her, their shoulders barely touching. He eyed the necklace for a moment.

"It's pretty. Where did you get it?" he asked.

She tensed and quickly pulled her hand away, looking down as she pulled the scarf tighter against her neck. "A friend back home got it for me."

Inuyasha gave a small snort. "You don't have to cover for him. I know you got it from Sesshoumaru."

Kagome looked over at him in surprise; his golden eyes bright in the moonlight. He looked away and shrugged. "I scented him on you when you brought those gifts for Rin."

"Oh. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought you would be upset," she said, looking down at the silver moonlight glinting on the snow.

The hanyou shoved his hands in the billowing folds of his red robe, his silver hair gently blowing in the breeze. "Look Kagome, with whatever happens against Naraku, just know that I want you to be happy. You deserve it," he said, pausing for a moment. "Once this is all over, I know you'll go back to your time. And as much as I may hate it, at least I know there is someone who can protect you there. Even if it is Sesshoumaru."

She looked up at him, knowing there was more he wasn't telling her. The sadness in his voice belied the false bravery. Inuyasha shook off the sadness and stood up straight. "Things are going to be pretty quiet around here for the next day or so. Why don't you go home and spend some time with your family?"

Kagome smiled and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his hair that always smelled of summer. She could never forget these small moments with him. "Thank you, Inuyasha."

"Keh. Don't get all mushy on me."


	9. Bark and Bite

Sesshoumaru downed his drink and went back to the cabinet for another. He hit play on the remote once again and opened his laptop as visions of Rin filled the dark silence.

As he waited for the system to blink to life, he stared at her face on the video. He had purposely avoided writing of her death for so many reasons. Pain, guilt, remorse. But he was tired of avoiding it anymore.

With one large gulp he finished his scotch, leaving a burning trail down his throat - pooling in his stomach. Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and began to type.

. . .

_The winter had given way to spring, and the heat of the sun had sent the snow back to the gods, passing the reign of the Earth back to its inhabitants._

_I had not given much thought or worry to the fear of Rin's death; after all I possessed the Tenseiga. The sword had obeyed me before, and it would obey me once again. And so I let her roam wild and free as I tracked Naraku and eliminated the youkai who dared come too close._

_Yet I had neglected to pay attention to the small things that were equally deadly._

_In the end, it was a swarm of saimyosho that wiped Rin's beautiful smile from my life._

_In a matter of minutes there was the smell of poison and whimpers. In a matter of hours there were two corpses - Rin and Jaken._

_It was not quick. Or painless._

_I don't remember much of what happened after I smelled the poison - just bits and snippets of slaughter and cries as seen through a haze of rage. I am fairly sure I slaughtered all of the bees, as well as any other living thing in my path._

_When I came to, my brother's group had found the destruction and Rin was crying in Kagome's arms. "It hurts, Kagome-chan."_

_The miko held her tight, looking up to meet my eyes with great sadness. She beckoned me over. "I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru, there is too much poison. But she has been asking for you."_

_I knelt down and Kagome handed Rin into my arms. I cradled her head against my fur; the least amount of comfort I could give a dying girl. Jaken had already passed from taking the brunt of the attack in an effort to protect Rin. He may have been annoying, but the kappa had protected her with his life._

_Large tear-filled brown eyes looked up at me, and I could feel the shaking of her muscles and the racing of her tiny heart beneath my hands. I brushed the hair and sweat away from the soft skin of her forehead. "I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama," she whispered._

_"You have nothing to be sorry for Rin. I ...was the one that failed you."_

_Rin gave me one last smile. "I love you Sessh...mr...," her voice faltering as those eyes closed for the last time. Carefully I laid her down on the young grass and drew Tenseiga, fully expecting to be able to see the undertakers of the netherworld._

_But the Tenseiga failed me. I would learn later when the rage subsided that the sword was only capable of returning a soul to a body once. And both Rin and Jaken had used their turns._

_I stood there for what seemed an eternity, willing the sword to work. But the sword was made of my father' fang - and my father had been stronger and more stubborn than I. It was a battle I would not win._

_Red flashed across my vision, and my next memory is of following the scent of the saimyosho and Naraku, only to be led to a shinigami. When the shinigami was nothing but shreds beneath my already bloodstained claws, there was no trail left to follow._

_Somehow I found my way back to Rin. And with the help of the monk and the miko, we gave both of them a proper funerary pyre. I do remember thinking I was glad for the intense heat of the flame to keep the tears dry in my eyes._

_The sight of the flames was almost more than I could bear. But I stayed, all the while clenching my claws for revenge. It was all I could give her anymore. Only the miko Kagome stayed by my side through it all. Thankfully she remained silent._

_When the last flame died and there was nothing but ash and bone, I turned to the west and began the hunt. Kagome called out and came running after me, handing me the Tenseiga which I had apparently thrown into the forest after it failed me._

_"Your sword, Sesshoumaru. You should take it with you."_

_"It's worthless. I have no use for it."_

_She paused caught my gaze. "But this sword brought Rin to you. Perhaps you should think of it as a memorial to her?"_

_Since we were alone and since her eyes were too much like Rin's and since everything inside of me was numb, I took it._

_. . ._

_Time passed as if in a dream. I am still not sure even today what was real or what was not. Day after day passed in silence as I hunted, sleeping little and eating even less. I was crazed from grief and exhaustion. But there were moments I could swear Rin was behind me, singing along happily. And I would pass a bright field of wildflowers and turn to let her stop and pick some - only to turn and find the empty road behind me._

_Eventually, and I can't say exactly when, I caught up to Naraku. My brother and his group were already in the heat of battle - and they were poorly mismatched. Blood covered the battlefield, and my brother was near death._

_Rage bled across my eyes, tinting everything red, and that is the last thing I remember until the bright pink burn of miko energy raced across my skin, finishing off the last of the spider hanyou. My hands were suddenly empty, and my shoulders sagged under the weight of blood that soaked into my clothing and hair. Bits of flesh and matter hung from my fangs and under my claws._

_I glanced across the mass of carnage, only to see the miko and the others hovering over the still body of Inuyasha. He was already dead. I pulled out Tenseiga anyway, but whether my father had already saved the whelp's life once or whether his soul refused to return, there was no telling. And so the Tenseiga had failed me once again._

_Yet the enemies had been defeated. And Rin was still dead. And I was slowly losing my mind._

_Without a word I left, racing for days. I had no idea where I was going. So I just ran to anywhere but where I was._

_Eventually the smell of the drying blood broke through my haze, and I found a cold mountain lake to wash off in._

_It ran red._

_After Rin, all things looked the same. The days, the season, the years. There was little that could hold my attention long enough to keep the nightmares and anger away._

. . .

Sesshoumaru sat back in the chair and stared at the computer screen, the tears finally breaking from his tight hold to run down his cheek. The DVD had run through again, and with a sigh, he hit play one more time, and go up to get himself another drink.


	10. Bells Ring

Between sleep and waking, nightmares floated across his vision. He stood at the bottom of the well, willing it to work. Rin's screams sounded from below his feet, and the panic began to set in. He dug at the floor with his bare claws, sending chunks of dirt and mud flying up around him, coating his clothes and hair. Faster and faster he dug as the screams trailed off but the dirt kept falling back around him, piling around him as he continued to scrape the earth.

The screams fell into silence and the well began to cave in over him with a wash of dirt and blood, dragging him into the darkness. Suddenly Kagome's face peered over the top of the ledge, looking on as he struggled. She held out a delicate hand, but the dirt buried him completely, shrouding his vision in choking darkness.

Sesshoumaru awoke with a start, sitting straight up in bed with his heart racing and gasping for breath. Kicking off the covers he stood up and walked well away from his bed and the clinging tendrils of the dirt and darkness of sleep.

As he splashed cold water on his face, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and for a moment, had no idea who was looking back at him; there was only a youkai hidden behind enchantments and spells, waiting on his interminable walk through the world to end.

This is not who he wanted to be.

This is not who he was.

He closed his eyes and focused, beginning to push away the spell that had hidden his true nature for so long. With a rush of power, the spell dissipated for the first time in centuries; leaving maroon stripes, a crescent moon, and white fur in its wake.

. . .

Kagome gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles were white - partly from the treacherous snow covered roads, but also from apprehension. _"I should have called first,"_ she thought. Her eyes flicked down to the map she had printed from the internet to make sure of the road number before she turned.

The main road had been slick with tamped down snow, but the side road was untouched by tire and plow alike. Her tires crunched loudly in the virgin whiteness as she creeped down the narrow and winding trail, surrounded by dense forest and bare trees for miles in all directions.

With one final turn, Kagome caught sight of her destination. A modest size house lay nestled up against a small hill, protected by a grove of large trunks and landscaped shrubbery; a winding and frozen creek wound to one side of the house before heading down to the valley and out to the sea.

Kagome slowly pulled her car in front of the garage, headlights shining bright against the white of he garage door.

With careful steps she made her way to the dark house; her shoes beginning to fill with wet snow.

Her finger paused over the doorbell. _"Surely he would have heard me by now,"_ she thought. _"I really should have called first."_

Yet she rang it anyway.

. . .

Sesshoumaru stood at the entrance to the well house, lightly sniffing the fresh trail through the bitter air blowing steadily through his fur and hair.

As he followed the scent, his phone began to ring. It was her.

"Kagome."

"Hi," she said.

"It seems you are back early. Where are you?" he said.

She laughed in the phone, bright and clear - sending shivers down his spine with echoes from the past. "Well, you won't believe this, but I am at your house waiting for you."

Sesshoumaru paused for a moment. "You're waiting on me?"

"Yeah. I should have called first. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. The house is unlocked. Make yourself at home, I will be there shortly," Sesshoumaru said, beginning to race down the dark side streets and into the forest.

As he ran, an ironic smile graced his lips. After years of searching and struggling and questing over what he wanted, a destiny had found him - and was already waiting on his doorstep.

. . .

Kagome carefully took off her wet shoes and socks and found a closet to hang her warm pink coat in - standing out among the shades of black and grey of his own.

A house is one's soul, they say, revealing sides hidden - and those not so well hidden. Kagome snapped on the lamp, revealing walls of bookcases lined with scrolls and volumes that overflowed to the floor in neat stacks.

Her eyes glanced to the large, dark desk - piled high with papers covered with typed words and handwritten corrections; the fireplace mantle held a few assorted antiques, and Tenseiga hung in the place of honor.

There were no pictures on the walls and nothing but the sword that spoke of his past. His home had become a prison of a former life and Sesshoumaru was drowning in the weight of his memories. Tears sprang to her eyes, and Kagome knew she had made the right decision to come home.

The door opened, sending in a cold blast of air across her already frozen and sockless feet. Sesshoumaru stood in the doorway with eyes blazing like the sun, the markings of his heritage bold against his pale skin and white fur billowing from his shoulder. Kagome blinked in surprise, taken aback by the jyaki emanating in waves across the room.

Their gazes met, silence and electricity filling the space between them.

He broke the silence, his voice low and hoarse. "Tell me, Kagome. Tell me how you do it."

Her toes curled against the plush carpet, unable to take her eyes away from his. "How do I do what?"

"Tell me how one can know the pain and tragedy the future will bring and still face it every day," he said as the wind continued to blow through the house, sending strands of his hair about his face wild and untamed - sparks of his former self finding their way to the surface once again.

She paused a moment, wrapping her arms around her waist as she considered her words. "Because I think the happy times are worth suffering through the pain," she said. "As much as I know of what may lay ahead, if I focus on it then I can't enjoy what I do have."

"Do you really think life can be happy in the end?"

"I know it can. You just have to decide to let yourself be happy."

Golden eyes blinked, and with a quiet click Sesshoumaru closed the door, crossing over to Kagome and pulling her against his chest, his grip tight on her back. Her hands crept around him, sliding through the silken mass of fur. He sighed into the top of her hair and Kagome squeezed her arms tighter.

"Will you show me how?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered.


	11. Deck The Halls

"So your plan is to chop down a perfectly good tree and then place it in the living room and adorn it with decorations?"

Kagome smiled and laughed, grabbing his hand and pulling him along through the snow. "Of course it is. It's a tradition. Every year my family would search for the perfect tree - not too tall, not too thin - and then me and Souta would get to place our favorite ornaments while Momma made us hot chocolate."

He allowed himself to be pulled, only focused on the tiny fingers wrapped around his wrist - delicate yet strong and tingling with electricity though his black coat. The tide within his heart rose once again to meet the coming of the raven-haired moon.

Blue eyes glanced back in his direction, and a redness not caused by the cold air crept over her cheeks. His breath caught in his throat. Though he had seen many things in his long years, few things could compare to black hair, blue eyes, and a pink blush across porcelain skin.

"It's perfect!" she exclaimed, dropping his hand and running over to a nicely shaped tree with boughs of green needles laced with white snow. "What do you think?" she asked while she circled round the base, checking it from all sides.

His eyes stayed only on her. "It's perfect," he said.

. . .

Kagome smiled as she lifted another box up to him, placing it on top of the two already in his hands. Dust flew up into his nose and eyes. Through the coughing he peered at her through wiry strands of metallic silver tinsel sticking up under the flaps of the box. She was grinning from ear to ear, eerily reminding him of those best suited to psychiatric wards.

"Is all of this necessary, miko?" he asked as he tried to wipe his eyes across his fur while continuing to hold her 'decorations.'

"Of course it is!" she exclaimed. "You can't have Christmas without tinsel. Or ornaments. Or stockings. Or ... lights! How could I forget the box of lights?" she muttered to herself, diving back into the deep reaches of the closet to search for yet another box.

She rooted and grumbled in her quest, eventually emerging triumphant with an old and beaten up cardboard box with a mass of tangled green wire snaking out like overgrown vines in all directions.

Sesshoumaru eyed the rat's nest of wires, raising one eyebrow in question. "Trust me," she said and disappeared into the living room.

. . .

Several hours later the tree had been adorned with tinsel and lights and ornaments, and a warm fire crackled and popped in the fireplace, casting a warm glow across his once cold living room. The extra stacks of books had been stowed away, and the mantle had received a fresh garland of evergreen boughs. His nose filled with the scent of burning wood and pine and the hot chocolate in his mug and he was strangely comforted.

Kagome sat near him on the couch in a pair of his dry socks and slippers that practically fell off of her feet, humming along with the melodies of a CD of Christmas songs she had discovered amongst the ornaments. Her hands absently petted the fur of his tail.

"I finished Rin's story," he said.

Her hand paused slightly, and she looked up. "Are you happy with it?"

His eyes closed briefly as a clear vision of Rin floated across his mind. "I have remembered enough," he said, "thanks to you."

"Are you going to publish it?"

Sesshoumaru looked over, catching her gaze. "Perhaps in a few years," he said. The fire popped and burnt logs settled, sending sparks flying up into the chimney.

Her brows furrowed, and she bit her bottom lip before continuing. "Why wait so long?" she asked, her fingers resuming to thread through thick white fur.

Her touch sent small tingles through his tail, running along its length and settling in the base of his spine. Flashes of Inuyasha's blood covered corpse crossed his mind, knowing that some things should not have to be borne longer than necessary. Sesshoumaru looked over at her face. "Because I don't want to miss the future," he said.

Kagome blushed and lowered her eyes as she smiled, stopping to take a slow sip of her hot chocolate as she worked her way around the mound of whipped cream sitting on the surface. Strains of 'Silent Night' floated across the room, and she closed her eyes to listen. "This is my favorite carol," she said. "No matter how busy I may be, it always makes me slow down and remember why Christmas means so much."

An errant patch of whipped cream stayed against her lips. With little thought, his hand crept up and the pad of his thumb ran across the top of her lip - smooth skin sliding beneath calloused hands.

She looked up, her eyes widening in surprise; those blue eyes danced with the light of the fire, and he couldn't tear his gaze away even if he had wanted to. She said nothing as his hand lingered, brushing along the side of her face, down across her jaw.

Kagome swallowed hard, reaching up to wrap her fingers around his hand, holding it to her cheek, lightly tracing the maroon stripes on his wrist. "Are you...sure about this?" she asked.

His thumb ran along the ridge of her eyebrow. "I am."

"But...I'm human."

"I know," he said, leaning down to press his lips against her soft, pink ones. The heat of her skin seeped into his depths, warming the centuries of ice on his heart.

She pulled away for breath, leaning her forehead against his. "I'll die one day," she whispered as her hand crept through his silken hair, resting on the back of his neck.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and pulled her into his arms. "But not today," he said, taking her kiss once again.


	12. Warm Hands, Warm Heart

_What is it to love someone like me? That I still cannot say. But I can say I know what it is to be loved._

_Of course it lies in the big gestures such as standing by your side in grief, of helping to heal past pain, of simply offering acceptance without judgment. But it is the little things that stir the soul and brush away the weight of regret like the pretty blush across her skin when your lips press against hers; the smile that lights the room and reserved only for you; the soft cries of ecstasy at the touch of your fingers, and the feel of warm naked skin finding its way to your own in the still quiet of the night._

_Long I had followed the lure of ultimate power, destroying lives and wreaking havoc to take what would only make me stronger and leaving the rest to rot. But that power was a cruel and false mistress to follow, offering me nothing but wisps of what I desired but could not possess - nearly destroying me in the process._

_My father knew the truth of it all, back then. He had tried to teach this last lesson - yet there are some things that must be learned though one's own trials and suffering._

_True power was found not in the steel of a blade, but in the depths of the heart. My father had found strength at Izayoi's hands, and his gift of the Tenseiga was a testament to the heights I could achieve - if I would have only the courage to reach for it._

_Rin gave me a glimpse._

_Yet Kagome showed me the world._

_I know her life will be unbearably short. There will never be enough time to satisfy me, and I have no intention of giving her up easily. The fates may try to take their share, but they have never encountered the stubbornness of this Sesshoumaru._

_But for now we dwell in the moments of happiness - ones that have made the blackest of days bearable once again. There will be time for all else when the raven-haired moon has set - and for now there will not be a wasted moment - for no other could possibly love the darkness under my skin._

. . .

Soft blue light shone across the room as claws clicked across keys, golden eyes flicking up every few moments to her slumbering form.

Kagome lay wrapped in heavy blankets near the dying fire, rolling over under their weight. She cracked her eyes open when her hand reached over and blindly searched for the missing warmth of his skin and the secure embrace of his arms.

Sesshoumaru quietly turned off the laptop and gently easing under the covers next to her, his nose pressing against black locks as her fingers entwined through long white fur, pulling him closer. Strong, striped hands circled her waist, and she gave a contented sigh against the bare skin of his chest - soft yet strong that smelled of the coming storm.

She pressed her lips lightly against his skin as her hand made its way to his face, cupping the side and dragging her fingers along the stripes of his cheek. He closed his eyes, relaxing under her touch with a soft exhale. Fascinated by the texture of his markings, she continued to trace along all of them with deliberate slowness - along the crescent moon and across the magenta lines of his eyelids. They were raised slightly, yet with a feel and softness all their own.

His breath grew faster, along with the strong beat of his heart; a heart that held more damage and pain than one should ever have to bear alone. Her fingers continued their journey over his features, along the shell of his ear and down the straight ridge of his nose while their feet tangled together under the covers, his toes running along the edge of her foot.

Kagome pushed the long silver bangs away from his forehead, running her hand along the side of his face. Golden eyes opened, bright with emotion. _"I don't deserve her,"_ he thought.

A small smile graced her lips, reading the look on his face. "Let's just find our happiness while we have the time," she said as she reached up to place light kisses along his jaw. Sesshoumaru pulled her into a tight embrace, and her kisses grew bolder along the nape of his neck.

Pushing back against her shoulder his red eyes blazed under her touch, and he claimed her lips with a passionate kiss, saying all he could say where cold words would never do justice.

Sweat glistened as bare skin slid against bare skin; as long raven tresses mingled with soft silver ones; as graceful curves met hard angles, and as he lost himself in the deep blue depths of her eyes.

Cries of ecstasy and gentle moans carried through the stillness of the house.

Kagome awoke in the deep of night to the sounds of the gentle rhythm of his slow and steady breaths.

Silver hair fanned out across the pillow, catching the light of the moon shining in from the window. He was deep in sleep; face relaxed and the heaviness of the past lifted from his brow, at last finding a sense of peace.

"Merry Christmas, Sesshoumaru," she whispered.

He opened his eyes. "Merry Christmas, Kagome," he said, wrapping his arms around her, both falling back into sleep amidst the silence of night.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal and FF.net way back in the day.


End file.
